The Friend Ladder

For those of you who know me, you also know that I know a lot of people. As I walk around AIR and say 'hi' to countless individuals, I often hear the phrase "Do you know everyone who works here?" Well, I will tell you now. No. I do not know everyone who works here. But I do know a lot of people. Mostly this is due to my desire to know people. I talk to them and I listen to them and they respond. Remember, everyone wants someone to listen. But there is more to it than that. How do you convert this casual co-worker into a friend? Well, for that, I present the Friend Ladder.

Step 1 - Say hello in the hallway. This is the easiest step of all. It starts with you smiling at someone every time you pass by them. If they smile back, most of the work is done. After about 3 weeks of simply smiling, you can say 'hi' when you pass them. And lo and behold: they will say 'hi' right back.

Step 2 - Small Talk. This step is a little harder to achieve. You need to be in an elevator with someone. Or getting a bagel at the same time. Or maybe coffee. Basically, you need to spend a little more time with the individual than just passing them in the hallway. This is the step when you make small talk. "How was your weekend?" "What do you think about the Redskins' chances this year?" "How is so-and-so doing?" Once this non-work related conversations are established, you need to make it the norm. Every time you are near that person, make small talk. Both of you need to become comfortable with talking to each other.

Step 3 - Conversation. This is when you need to have real conversations with the individual. Instead of just making small talk, you need to legitimately discuss varied topics of interest to either of you. Maybe you will walk with them to/from the Town Hall meetings. Or maybe you will eat with them at lunch. Really, the situation doesn't really matter. You just need to converse. Honestly, this is the most important step. Both of you need to enjoy the conversation enough to continue it and to want to have future conversations.

Step 4 - Facebook friends. Some people will scoff at this. They will talk about how they don't friend anyone from work. Or they will talk about how they are "super-exclusive" with their facebook friends. That is bullshit. Becoming facebook friends with someone is a sign that you would be willing to take your friendship to the next level - outside of work friends. This is also a good way for both of you to learn more about each other. Take a quick look at the other person's interest. Maybe you both love some book or movie that most other people have never heard of. Maybe you have some random interest in common. It is a good way to find things to talk about for later.

Step 5 - Continuation. This is a pretty simple step. Basically, you need to continue to have legitimate conversations with the person whenever the opportunity arises. You also need to keep saying 'hi' to them in the halls. These things show that both of you are committed to making this friendship work.

Step 6 - Gchat friends. This is huge. Many of us here at AIR use gchat all the time. It is used to discuss work stuff. It is used to discuss weekend plans. It is used to plan happy hours. It is used as a way to keep in touch and have conversations with people who are not in the same room with you. Becoming gchat friends with someone means the two of you can talk about anything almost all the time...even away from the office.

Step 7 - Hang out outside of work. This one is self-explanatory. You and this individual hang out outside of work. This doesn ot just mean a work happy hour or a post-work softball game drink. This is when one of you has a party and invites the other. Or when the two of you make plans to go out. This is the step that really takes your friendship to that next, higher level.

Step 8 - Phone number. So once you are friends with someone, you need their number. Getting the digits is huge. It means that both of you are OK with the other calling or texting you. This also of course opens up the possibilities for drunk dialing or drunk texting. These would be weird with co-workers but are perfectly fine with friends.

Step 9 - Enjoy! Enjoy having a new friend.

So there you have it. That is my method for turning random co-workers into friends. All you have to do is follow this plan and watch the number of your friends grow. And remember, no matter what anyone says, more friends is a good thing. We humans are social creatures. Socialization is what we have evolved to survive. And it is awesome.

Oh, and remember, some people may never make it all the way through the friend ladder. Maybe someone will always be just a step 2 acquaintance. Or a step 6 acquaintance. There is nothing wrong with that. It is just the way the world works.

Also, 1449 and counting...

Don't ask me why.

One more walk down memory lane...

So I know that I have been out of the loop for a while, but here I am with another edition of funny stories from my past. We'll stick to just one today...and make it a good one.

Let's back up to June 2004. I was 19 and went on Birthright. For those of you not in the know, Birthright is basically a free trip to Israel for young Jews. I strongly recommend going with at least one friend by the way. However, I went myself. Overall, the trip was great. Israel was simply amazing. The people kind of sucked though. They were mostly older than me and I was not yet the social creature that I am today... Plus, most of them knew each other at least somewhat. Well, that's neither here nor there. The 10 days went by pretty quickly...and the nights were all pretty alcohol-filled.

On the last night, we decided to go out to a club. I was 19 at the time. I had barely even been to bars at that point. Having very little money, I decided not to drink anything. That idea quickly flew out the window when people started buying me drinks...strong drinks. About 2 hours in, I was super trashed. And somehow or other (possibly displaying my future self), I had made friends with a random table full of "older" women. They were 26. I have plenty of good friends who are about 26. And 26 is not at all old. But at the time, they seemed ridiculously old to me. Well, what do you think happened? They continued to buy me drinks. At one point, one of them proposed to me. And I accepted. If it wasn't for what happened next, I bet I'd be married right now. And she was hot too.

Meanwhile, the club decided to have a dance off. And the guy came around recruiting. And my bride-to-be decided that I needed to prove myself by winning the dance off. I'm pretty sure the nice bottle of wine offered as a prize was also a temptation for her. So there I was waiting on stage for my turn. The guy I was competing against was good. And I was nowhere near the dancer or shameless show-off I am today. Plus I was ridiculously drunk. That's when it got weird. The host told me that my one chance to beat the guy was to strip. If I did that, there would be no way I wouldn't win. All I could think about was winning...and the wine...and my bride-to-be...and did I mention that I was trashed? When my turn came, I started dancing. And it wasn't happening. So what did I do? I started stripping of course... Before long (due to my lack of stripping experience), I was buck naked on stage. The crowd was loving it. All of my group had their cameras out. The woman who wanted to marry me was psyched. Everything was about to come together for me. And then they announced the winner. I had lost the dance-off. I had lost the bottle of wine. I had lost the 26 year old Israeli chick.

But on the plus side, I was naked on stage and lost my shame and gained a damn good story out of it...so whatever. Plus, I bet the Israeli chick is fat now.

Don't ask me why.