The De-Friend Ladder

Wow. It has been a while. I think my last post was July 2009. But I am back for the moment and we will see how it goes. Last time you were here, you read all about how to turn co-workers into friends. Well, what if you want to do the opposite? What if a friend and co-worker pissed you off or has just become way too annoying and you no longer wish to be friends? What are the steps to get rid of that person as a friend? Lucky for you, I will provide a simple guide to this procedure. Just keep in mind that I have not tried this myself. I don't want to lose any friends. However, the guide is theoretically sound. Here we go...

Step 1 - Decide to lose a friend. This is one of the hardest steps on the entire De-Friend Ladder. What actions are bad enough for you to decide to cut someone out? What level of depravity must one sink to to be cut off?


Step 2 - Update your cell phone. You need to mark your address book so as to ignore this person's calls or texts at all times. You may say to yourself that you will just remember to do so, but trust me on this one. When you're really drunk, your judgement goes right out the window. Mark them as "IGNORE" so you know not to respond. But make sure you keep their name in there too. You need to know who you're ignoring. And never delete their number. If you do, you will pick it up when they call or text not knowing who they are.

Step 3 - Update Gchat. You have 2 choices here - block them or simply ignore them. The choice you make really depends on whether or not you want this person to know that they are cut off. Either way, you obviously need to stop talking to this person. However, if you block them, they will soon find out that you are angry. This may lead to a confrontation which you probably don't want to have. If you don't block them, they they can keep gchatting you. In this case, I recommend you simply be polite and distant. Don't engage them in conversation. Simply tell them you're busy and can't talk now. Overall, I recommend the 2nd option because it avoids overt confrontation. But to each their own.

Step 4 - Deal with Facebook. Again, you have 2 choices. You can defriend this person or simply do nothing. Option 2 is easiest in that you simply ignore this person on facebook. You can set your news feed filters to avoid news about this person. If comment on anything of yours, simply do not reply. Or you can defriend them. This is an overt act which they will probably notice at some point. This clearly shows them that you are angry. This may lead to confrontation. Again, make your own decision.

Step 5 - Invites. This step is not complicated. This person needs to come off your invite list for any and all events. You also need to talk to your friends and make sure they stop inviting this person. Finally, if they invite you to anything, you need to either not reply to find some good excuse not to go.

Step 6 - Conversation and Small Talk. You need to stop having conversations with this person. Whenever you are stuck in a situation with this person that would usually lend itself to a conversation, you need to appear distracted. Pretend to be reading something. Check your phone. Put headphones in. Do something to indicate that you're not interested in talking. If they do make small talk, be polite and answer back but do not ask follow up questions. Answer in short phrases that leave no real room for follow up. Make it clear you are not interested in talking.

Step 7 - Hallways. If you see this person in the hallway, put your head down. Don't make eye contact. Look to the side of them. Or look down at yourself as if you are deep in though. Or maybe look up in the same manner. Again, do nothing to encourage interaction. This person needs to become someone so not worthy of your time that you don't even acknowledge them passing you in the hallway.

At this point, your getting rid of a friend should be complete. This person, whomever he/she may be, should understand that you are no longer interested in being friends. However, I'd like to point out that while I wrote this guide for my readers, I do not encourage you to use it. More friends is better than less friends. Forgiving someone is better than losing them forever. Friends are better than enemies.

Oh, and keep in mind that just like someone may not make it all the way through the Friend Ladder, they also may not make it all the way through the De-Friend Ladder. Maybe someone stops after step 5. Or maybe someone stops after step 4.

Also, I'm now at 1917 Facebook friends (up from 1449 in July 2009)...and counting.

Don't ask me why.