The Food Stories

So any of you who know me, know that I like to eat...a lot. And no vegetables. Meat. Potatoes. Other carbs. Sweets. Those are my main food groups.

Well, during my college years, certain events occurred that still bring tears of laughter to the eyes of those who were there for these events. And here they are for the rest of you.

Napoleon Dynamite. You all remember this movie. Well, my friends and I went to see it. And I wanted some soda, which I bought. And some nerds. You guys all know those big boxes of rainbow nerds? Like the one pictured here? Well, I also bought one of those. So there we are sitting in this movie. Cracking up. When I take a giant handful of nerds and stuff them all in my mouth. I happily crunch away on them as my friends, not to mention some other people, give me dirty looks. Then I have another one. And another. Well, on the 4th giant handful, I choke on the nerds. I begin madly sipping my soda trying to clear my throat. And my friends are cracking up more at me than at the movie. KARMA!

United Dairy Farmers. Some of you may not know them. But they have great ice cream. And my friends and I went there one night for this ice cream. Well, we are in line ordering our ice cream. And I choose my ice cream flavor. Then I am looking at the menu and trying to decide if I want my sundae in a regular sugar cone or a waffle cone. My ice cream cost $3.99. The waffle cone was an extra $.40. Being a good Jew, I choose the sugar cone. After all, who charges $.40 for a freakin' waffle cone????

Sophomore year. Dorm spaghetti eating contest...in teams. Each of 3 dorms had a team of 5 people. Well, I was my team's anchor. And when it got to me, we were about half a plate behind the leader. I was not going to let this stand. I simply inhaled my plate of spaghetti. I am pretty sure that it honestly took less than a minute. I might have cried a little after, but the victory was worth it.

Sophomore year. Cookout on top of the hill. 7 hot dogs. 4 patties. And some chips. What more needs to be said here?

Once again, sophomore year. Dining hall. I had decided to eat a little healthier. Don't worry. It did not last long. Anyway, I wanted a salad...and had no idea how to make one. I had to have a friend show me how to make a salad. And by the way, it was not worth it. It had VEGETABLES!!!!!

And finally, freshman year. The common area on our floor in our dorm. A few of us sitting around. Some people doing homework. I had brought a sandwich. With bologna. As I was eating my sandwich, the best piece of bologna slipped out and fell on the floor. The very dirty floor. The very dirty floor we all stepped on. A lot. Have I mentioned dirty? Well, what happens? I pick up this piece of bologna. Stare at my friend for a second. I look right at him. He looks like he may either puke into a corner or jump up and do a celebratory jig, depending on my action. I eat the bologna. He pukes a little in his mouth. But the bologna was still delicious...and worth it.

Hope you enjoyed these stories...at least a little. A little bit of a preview for it: a few real entries this week, the naked story, the "Laurie" story (people at Case still know this story...people who never even met me), Halloween freshman year story, the pregnant chick story, and of course, the golf cart story.

Don't ask me why.